George O’Hearn: Beautiful women are invisible.
David Kepesh: Invisible? What the hell does that mean? Invisible? They jump out at you. A beautiful woman, she stands out. She stands apart. You can’t miss her.
George O’Hearn: But we never actually see the person. We see the beautiful shell. We’re blocked by the beauty barrier. Yeah, we’re so dazzled by the outside that we never make it inside.
A dialogue from Elegy
How do I bring out the beauty in people?
This is one of the questions I’ve been grappling with for a while. The reason why I want to understand how this works is pretty simple: I want to experience the beauty in people, especially women I meet.
(As usual, I’m writing this post from my male point of view. I believe what I talk about here applies to finding the beauty in men as well.)
Just as watching the beautiful sunset gives me a sublime experience, experiencing the beauty in someone gives me great joy. I shared one story of mine regarding experiencing the beauty in a girl I met in Sydney, Australia in this post – It’s amazing to experience this kind of beauty and it creates beautiful moments as well.
What’s great about being able to bring out the beauty in others is that you’ll be able to give them a gift of being beautiful and this gift will make them and you happy.
But how do we do that? How do we bring out the beauty in people?
Let’s clarify what it means to bring out the beauty in people.
I’m not really talking about physical appearances here. I do get attracted to certain facial features and body types over others, but when it comes to experiencing the beauty in someone, physical appearances in the sense of facial features and body types are not that relevant.
If we are talking about physical appearances in the sense of a vibe one carries or displays, then yes, I do believe they matter. I believe your inner self influences how you look in that sense. For example, if you are not confident about who you are, you end up looking… insecure. What I’m curious about is how to get past the physical appearances in the first sense (i.e. facial&body features) and to experience what’s really attractive about her, which may well be hidden in her mind.
“Which may well be hidden in her mind”… Interesting. This sounds as if we’re on a treasure hunt!
I have a question for you, my dear female readers. What if there were men who can find a treasure in you, a treasure that you didn’t know you had? The beauty you had all along your life? And what if these guys could let you how beautiful you are… or perhaps let you be the beauty that you are?
It’s a treasure hunt, but the aim is not to take a treasure away from you, but it’s to find something you didn’t know you had and to give it back to you and to share it with you.
OK, so, back to the beauty we are looking for.
I believe this quote from Being Beauty, a blog post by Tara Sophia Mohr, describes what I’m looking for pretty well.
Every woman, when she is alive in herself, alive to her life, alive in honesty about her truth and lit by passion for what sparks her passion, is beautiful. She just is. And she is beautiful in way that speaks to the very vitality and uncontrollable-ness of the life force itself, of the earth.
I want to interact and to connect with the most authentic version of a woman. Following Tara’s description, I believe what I need to do in order to meet this most authentic version of her is to be a man who can let her be who she truly is and be “alive in herself, alive to her life, alive in honesty about her truth and lit by passion for what sparks her passion”.
Of course, there are women who are always authentic and radiate their inner beauty. But even with these women, you never know why they are that way until you interact with them and connect with them.
Now, the question is… how can you be that guy who can make women (or people in general) feel comfortable about sharing with you who they are?
Here’s 6 things that I believe are essential.
1. Have the right mindset
Everyone has something beautiful in them and you are there to discover it and to give it to them and to share it with them instead of merely taking something away from them. Also, you need to be curious about her authentic self, what makes her beautiful and why she is that way. Talk with her and find out why!
2. Be authentic
You need to show up as who you are first. If you are not being honest with yourself, how can you expect others to be honest with you?
3. Avoid empty words
I believe every sincere compliment is a gift you can give, but when you are simply saying what you are supposed to say rather than following your heart, your words become empty and they do nothing but harm you. Be careful.
4. Look for sparkle in her eyes
When people talk about what they love, their eyes start sparkling. We can’t see her inner beauty, but we can see sparkle in her eyes.
5. Listen to her
This may sound obvious, but you need to be able to listen to her really well. In order to be able to listen to her well, you need to be able to ask good questions. What I mean by asking good questions is to ask questions that allow her to express who she is by answering them. Let her talk about what she really wants to talk about.
6. Let her know that she can talk about anything
Of course, you may be one of those people who can make people feel like they can talk about anything with you, but it’s usually quicker to tell her that she can talk about anything. It’s really important for you to be non-judgemental. By being non-judgemental, what I mean is to throw away your assumptions and to avoid jumping to conclusion. Practice being non-judgemental everyday.
What I’ve shared with you above is only a sketch and you probably need to practice interacting with people with the aim of bringing out the beauty in them in order to fully understand these ideas.
What I want to do through my blog is to share with you something for you to work on or to think about on your own rather than to give you a complete package. Being proactive is the key here. I hope you will tackle the question of bringing out the beauty in others and develop your own understanding.
By the way, I’m curious to know if there is anything I can do for you to find the beauty in you. Not just my dear female readers, but my dear male readers as well. This is because I feel the needs to help you become more confident and understand what’s really attractive and beautiful about you so you can use that knowledge to fill your life with more love. Can I help you identify these qualities in you?