Sometimes we don’t notice bitterness we have in ourselves.
Let me ask you a question.
Is there any possibility that you are bitter about men or women? That is… let’s say you are romantically interested in women. And you are bitter about them somehow. You say something like… “Women always use me” and “Women never like who I really am”. Does this sound familiar?
(Not just men or women, but any other things like money, really, but if you are a regular reader of this site, you know why I’m talking about men and women. If not… this site is for people who want to live their life as their art and to make sure it’s full of love. Or in short, this site is about how to be romantic on your own terms. Click here to read more about this site.)
We often accumulate things we really don’t need. Eventually we have so much stuff that our focus in life ends up being on managing stuff rather than living a life full of experiences. George Carlin sums up this idea really well in his stand up comedy.
So, accumulation. It’s not just about physical stuff either. I think it’s fair to say that we accumulate bitter emotions and let them take control of our thoughts and behaviours.
Take a rejection for example. Do you remember a time when you were rejected by a girl or a boy you liked as a child? Perhaps you were mildly rejected, or perhaps it was unbelievably brutal as children sometimes do cruel things. It doesn’t have to be an incident from the distant past; it may well be your relatively recent break up that left you an emotional scar.
Something that tells you… you are unworthy. No, not really. Even if someone actually told you that you are unworthy, that’s absolutely false. In any case, they have no right to tell you that. But, sometimes it’s us who keep telling ourselves that we are unworthy. What should we do about it?
If you are aware of particular incidents that made you feel bitter, that’s… great. Being aware is a great step towards letting go of those bitter feelings, I believe.
If you are not, let’s stop and take some time to reflect on things that might have had an impact on your unspotted bitterness inside you. Any minor incidents may well be contributing factors to such bitterness. Scan your memories and see if you find anything suspicious.
So, let me assume that you have some vague ideas about potential sources of your bitterness. What should you do now?
Here’s what I recommend: write a letter to people who hurt you emotionally.
You don’t have to send it to them. It’s a symbolic exercise.
I’ve seen this technique or variations of it used in various places. It may work for you, or it may not. But in any case, writing does help you clarify your thoughts and when you are clear about things, it’s easier to process them. It’s important to get specific.
In the beginning of a letter, you can write absolutely anything. Curse them if you like.
Make sure to write about what they did to you and how it made you feel.
Write about how you want to feel instead.
Once you’ve had enough of raging, write about what you can learn from those bad experiences. Think of something to thank them for. Yes. Thank them for what they did to you. I’m sure there is something positive you can learn from them. At least one thing. It could be something like, “Hey, I’ve now realized that what you were saying about me was totally false, and I’m glad I made this realization will bring me back to the right track”.
Then declare that you will let your bitterness go and move on.
Tear the letter apart, burn it, keep it or eat it. Do whatever you want to do. But once you are finished with it, you are finished with your bitterness you expressed in that letter as well. So, get ready to move on.
Rinse and repeat for any other fragments of bitterness.
Let them go. Bitterness may block your positive energy. I don’t want that to happen, because I want you to love more… love people and love your life.
Give the world your sweetness and your love, yeah?