When you meet someone and you feel attracted to that person, what you need to do is, simply, to show up as who you are.
There is no need to hide your authentic self. There is no need to try to impress that person by telling him or her about your achievements (Hint: It’s not a job interview). There is no need to worry about messing up this opportunity to interact with that person you find attractive. There is no need to play a game.
Let me tell you why.
I can understand that when you want that person to like you, you might think it’s better to play it cool, or perhaps to try not to be awkward. But let’s face it, when you try to be cool – when you pretend to be someone who you are not, or try to be natural by forcing your awkwardness to go away, you are already messing things up.
Sometimes it might work, but if it does, you are deceiving that person by faking your personality. Let’s say that person ends up liking the cool mask you’ve put on. From that moment when you have that mask on, you need to keep the mask if you want that person to keep liking you – well, it’s not really you, but it’s your fake persona that this person likes. That sounds rather unfortunate, doesn’t it? Your intention was to get that person like you, but he or she doesn’t like who you really are (well, maybe it’s not that he or she dislikes who you really are, but your authentic self is still unknown to him or her).
But, who knows, he or she might like who you really are. By faking your personality, you’ve thrown away a chance to get to know that person and to build deep connections with him or her. Don’t let it happen. Be authentic from the beginning.
If your authentic personality doesn’t resonate with him or her, then that’s all, but it’s not the end of the world and you can still celebrate who this attractive person is and have fun interacting with that person.
After all, the decision as to whether he or she likes you and tags along with you on a romantic journey is up to him or her.
When you realize this simple thing, namely, that it’s his or her choice, you will understand that your best strategy is not about trying to trick others into liking you by impressing them, but presenting and sharing your authentic self. It’s not about chasing or being chased. It’s not about playing a game. What really matters is to share the gift of being your authentic self with others. If there is a variable you can control, then this is it. And by being authentic, it doesn’t mean being perfect.
When you show up as who you are, have courage to tell your authentic story that you really want to live and to tell.
Surely, what’s often expected by the question “what do you do?” is to tell how you earn money or to tell what your day job is, particularly in society the majority of the readers of this blog live in.
But, why should you tell your public story and get stuck in that conversation when you can tell your most authentic story? There’s no reason why, at least in a romantic context. You can be totally outrageous and say something like, “I’m keen on making the world more romantic” if that’s what you want to do. (Actually, it’s not that outrageous at all.)
What’s even better is to invite others to this romantic journey by asking what they are passionate about, what their big, wild dreams are, etc. There’s a good chance of you being perceived as a weird person, but if that’s what you are really curious about and want to talk about, why not bring these questions up as soon as possible? Even if you start a conversation by a small talk, you can always go for a big talk within a minute.
By the way, it helps to be aware of your own stories. When you tell your stories, what kind of stories is it? Stories that you were told by others, stories that you convince yourself to follow, or stories you really want to live and to tell? I’m planning to write more on these different kinds of stories sometime, but you can start thinking about these stories and be aware of your own stories now.
Remember, your life is your art and you are the writer of your story.
To show up as who you are is to live and to tell your authentic stories. Share these stories with amazing people you meet in your life and that’s a gift you can give to them.