Sometimes we don’t notice bitterness we have in ourselves.

Let me ask you a question.

Is there any possibility that you are bitter about men or women? That is… let’s say you are romantically interested in women. And you are bitter about them somehow. You say something like… “Women always use me” and “Women never like who I really am”. Does this sound familiar?

(Not just men or women, but any other things like money, really, but if you are a regular reader of this site, you know why I’m talking about men and women. If not… this site is for people who want to live their life as their art and to make sure it’s full of love. Or in short, this site is about how to be romantic on your own terms. Click here to read more about this site.)

We often accumulate things we really don’t need. Eventually we have so much stuff that our focus in life ends up being on managing stuff rather than living a life full of experiences. George Carlin sums up this idea really well in his stand up comedy.

So, accumulation. It’s not just about physical stuff either. I think it’s fair to say that we accumulate bitter emotions and let them take control of our thoughts and behaviours.

Take a rejection for example. Do you remember a time when you were rejected by a girl or a boy you liked as a child? Perhaps you were mildly rejected, or perhaps it was unbelievably brutal as children sometimes do cruel things. It doesn’t have to be an incident from the distant past; it may well be your relatively recent break up that left you an emotional scar.

Something that tells you… you are unworthy. No, not really. Even if someone actually told you that you are unworthy, that’s absolutely false. In any case, they have no right to tell you that. But, sometimes it’s us who keep telling ourselves that we are unworthy. What should we do about it?

If you are aware of particular incidents that made you feel bitter, that’s… great. Being aware is a great step towards letting go of those bitter feelings, I believe.

If you are not, let’s stop and take some time to reflect on things that might have had an impact on your unspotted bitterness inside you. Any minor incidents may well be contributing factors to such bitterness. Scan your memories and see if you find anything suspicious.

So, let me assume that you have some vague ideas about potential sources of your bitterness. What should you do now?

Here’s what I recommend: write a letter to people who hurt you emotionally.

You don’t have to send it to them. It’s a symbolic exercise.

I’ve seen this technique or variations of it used in various places. It may work for you, or it may not. But in any case, writing does help you clarify your thoughts and when you are clear about things, it’s easier to process them. It’s important to get specific.

In the beginning of a letter, you can write absolutely anything. Curse them if you like.

Make sure to write about what they did to you and how it made you feel.

Write about how you want to feel instead.

Once you’ve had enough of raging, write about what you can learn from those bad experiences. Think of something to thank them for. Yes. Thank them for what they did to you. I’m sure there is something positive you can learn from them. At least one thing. It could be something like, “Hey, I’ve now realized that what you were saying about me was totally false, and I’m glad I made this realization will bring me back to the right track”.

Then declare that you will let your bitterness go and move on.

Tear the letter apart, burn it, keep it or eat it. Do whatever you want to do. But once you are finished with it, you are finished with your bitterness you expressed in that letter as well. So, get ready to move on.

Rinse and repeat for any other fragments of bitterness.

Let them go. Bitterness may block your positive energy. I don’t want that to happen, because I want you to love more… love people and love your life.

Give the world your sweetness and your love, yeah?

I have selected 65 quotes on love and romance for your convenience. These quotes offer great insights about love and living a romantic life. I wrote comments for each quote. So, this post ended up being by far the longest post ever I’ve posted on this site. Take your time and bookmark this page if you like so you can come back here to read this post again and again.

If you are a new visitor to this site – I write on living a romantic life, for all of you who believe that your life is your art. I’m here to help you create your art of life and  make it romantic. If you are one of those people who want to live a romantic life, that’s great! You can read more about this site here. If you enjoy this post, go to the start here page and take a look at other articles as well.

Without further ado… here’s 65 love and romance quotes that inspire you to become a better lover.

The Nature of Love

1. “Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Life is short. I believe you can spend your life much better loving than hating. Love creates more love, and hatred creates more hatred. Which one do you want?

2. “For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

And perhaps that is the most rewarding of all our tasks as well. Prepare to love and do everything with love.

3. “I tell you, the more I think, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.” – Vincent Van Gogh

I love this quote, for it serves as a piece of the puzzle I’m trying to solve. I believe my life is my art and I want to live a romantic life. Gogh’s way of thinking helps me see love as what goes into the canvas of my life. What do you think?

4. “Love doesn’t make the world go round, Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Instead of being indifferent towards your life and being carried in a dark box from birth to death, be curious, get out of your box and experience your life fully. Love your life and your life will love you back.

5. “Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein

Love is about giving and sharing. When someone you love is happy, you become happy. What’s awesome is that the fact that you became happy makes that person happier. It repeats and repeats.

6. “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” – Alexander Smith

To discover ourselves in others is to discover connections between us and others. If you think about it, we all have connections with one another. We have dreams. We have fears. We’re all human.

7. “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” – Elie Wiesel

How do we cure indifference? By choosing to be curious. If you want to live a happy life, stop being indifferent. Start caring. Start being curious. Manifest your curiosity by taking action.

8. “To love is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis

When you love, you show up as who you are. You expose yourself and your vulnerabilities. You might be rejected. You might fail. But when you choose to love, you’ll get courage and strength. That courange and strength keep you safe even when you are being vulnerable.

9. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Notice that you are already loved – yes, you are loved. Realize the strength you already have and use it to love more and get courage. With strength and courage, you’ll be able to love even more. When you are able to love more deeply, you are likely to be loved more deeply too.

10. “Fortune and love favor the brave.” – Ovid

Those who take action are brave. They do have fears and insecurities, but they do it anyway and their action gives them courage.

11. “A heart that loves is always young” – Greek Proverb

No matter how old you are, as long as your heart loves, you are young and alive forever. Keep loving and keep living.

12. “Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Love is not a game where one person dominates the other. Both lovers cultivate their connections and grow together. That’s something beautiful about love.

13. “Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible – it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.” – Barbara de Angelis

Instead of trying to accumulate material things in your life, why not living your life in such a way that you get to experience love more? We are all going to die, and we can’t take love or material possession when we die. But I’m sure you will be much more satisfied when you’ve lived a life full of love than a life full of material things.

14. “Love is a game that two can play and both win.” – Eva Gabor

I’m not a big fan of seeing dating&relationship as a game, but if we are to take them as a game, I believe Eva Gabor’s quote describes that game well. It’s not a game of manipulation where one player tricks the other and scores something from that person. Instead, it’s a game where both players find connections between them, cultivate their relationship and go on an adventure together. If you are playing the game of manipulation, stop it and switch to the latter kind of game right now.

15. “You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” – Barbara De Angelis

When you are not used to expressing your feelings, it might scare the shit out of you to express your love. But, just acknowledge your fear and do it anyway. Your expression of love will not be wasted if you do express it to the world. Let there be more expressions of love!

16. “Love is the power to see similarity in the dissimilar.” – Theodor Adorno

As a practical tip, I believe it’s better to assume that there are some similarities between you and others and it’s better to interact with them to find such similarities. Then you will gain that power Adorno is talking about and you will find these similarities.

17. “Love is three quarters curiosity.” – Giacomo Casanova

Curiosity is a fuel that drives us in life and in love as well. Always choose to be curious, because you will be able to experience more beautiful moments and you will be able to create deep connections that way. Ask questions and be fascinated by these questions. Have a sense of wonder – that’s an ingredient for loving your life as well.

18. “Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.” – David Byrne

In many societies, it’s probably the case that you are culturally/socially not expected to say “I love you” to a person you’ve just met, but whether you choose to say it or not, do understand that this simple fascination David Byrne talks about in this quote is a form of love sometimes and that love has many faces. What’s the threshold between loving and not loving? Mother Theresa might say “just love”. In any case, realize that you don’t have to set this threshold high. Work on lowering it and you’ll start loving more and your life will be filled with more love.

19. “Where love is concerned, too much is not even enough.” – P.A.C. de Beaumarchais

Love is abundant. The more you love, the more love there will be created in the world. Keep loving.

20. “Who, being loved, is poor?” – Oscar Wilde

Realize that you have an ability to love others and to enrich those who you love by loving them. Isn’t it amazing to have this realization?

21. “Love is like a piece of art work, even the smallest bit can be so beautiful.” – Stacie Cunningham

If you want to live a life full of beautiful moments, choose to seek beauty in your life. To actually find beauty, the easiest way, I believe, is to make connections with amazing people and to fall in love with them. These people help you create your art of life and you end up helping them experience beautiful moments as well.

22. “Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.”- Barbara De Angelis

Always remember that you have a choice to make. If you want to live a romantic life, make choices in such a way that your choices will lead you to a romantic life.

Romance

23. “If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.” – Michel de Montaigne

There is something more in us than superficial features and material things. When you find that something in another… or rather, when you open yourself to who that person is, that’s when love begins.

24. “If you wished to be loved, love.” – Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It’s not about tricking others into liking you. Forget about seeking love, but start loving others first.

25. “The very essence of romance is uncertainty.” – Oscar Wilde

Be comfortable with uncertainty and enjoy your ride into uncertainty. When you switch your position from fear of uncertainty to curiosity towards uncertainty, you will be ready to go on an adventure and that’s one way of making your life more romantic.

26. “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss

It’s OK to be weird. Your weirdness can be something beautiful about you too, especially if you are comfortable with it. It’s even more beautiful when you find someone whose weirdness is compatible with yours! Also, if you tend to be shy and intimidated by the thought of interacting with people – keep in mind that other people have something weird about themselves as well.

27. “You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.” – Unknown

This is such a powerful quote and it reminds us that in order to love people we need to understand multi aspects of them, especially their vulnerabilities. Do you know what makes you cry? Are you comfortable with sharing it with others?

28. “All I really, really want our love to do is to bring out the best in me and in you too.”- Joni Mitchell

Bring out the best in people you love. Listen to them and support them in achieving what they want to achieve and becoming who they want to be. Keep growing together. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean stopping right there, but going on a romantic journey together.

29. “Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.” – Amanda Cross

Living a romantic life is not necessarily about living a life full of one night affairs, but it’s more about what Amanda Cross says. Be a romantic person who is open and loving and turn ordinary moments into beautiful moments. Your attitude is what matters; love and smile make it possible.

30. “They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever.” – Oscar Wilde

I believe that each relationship lasts forever one way or another as your memories, but at the same time, I agree with Oscar Wilde’s quote. Instead of trying to make a romance last forever, focus on celebrating each moment you spend with a person you love. Be present now rather than being absorbed in the future that hasn’t arrived yet, especially when you are spending time together with that person.

31. “Do all things with love.” – Og Mandino

If I am to name one way of making your life more romantic, I’d say Og Mandino’s quote is spot on. Do everything with love. If you are not in such a situation where you feel love is lacking from what you do (or you feel you are doing what you hate), change your environment and start doing things with love more.

32. “We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Instead of trying to possess someone, create connections and memories with that person. To do so, you need to be compassionate and to listen to that person. Love is like a dance and you can’t just do your own moves. Find moves both of you want to make and immerse yourselves into music.

33. “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but looking outward in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

You and your partner are on a romantic adventure together, moving into the same direction. Isn’t it amazing to share the same path with someone together? By the way, one of the best relationship tips I’ve ever heard is to sit or stand with people you love side by side rather than face to face. I like how this tip fits well with Saint-Exupery’s quote.

34. “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” – Ingrid Bergman

Action speaks louder than words.

35. “The course of true love never did run smooth.” – William Shakespeare

Especially when you and your love go on an adventure together. Do go on an emotional adventure as well as a physical adventure. Love is a life long journey.

36. “Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.” – Benjamin Disraeli

You are the writer of your own romance. Live your life as your art and do it with love. Your life will be more romantic.

37. “Romance is everything.” – Gertrude Stein

As a man who wants to make the world more romantic… what can I say to this quote? Hell yeah!

38. “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde

To love oneself is, I believe, the most important kind of love, because it is the foundation for any other kinds of love. If you can’t love yourself, then you can’t love others. Do you have a great relationship with yourself? How do you feel about yourself? Do you like your body? Do you beat yourself up? Make sure to treat yourself well and love yourself.

Love and Life

39. “Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.” – David Grayson

A lesson we can learn from this quote? Express your love more often. See what happens when you show up and are not afraid of expressing your love. I guarantee you that your life will be more romantic.

40. “Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Can you love all the dragons you run into in your life? Can you love everything that frightens you? Can you choose to love despite the fear you have?

41. “The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even heard but must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller

To feel these best and most beautiful things in this world, you must open your heart first. How open is your heart? Even if it’s not fully open, you can choose to open it little by little. The question is: do you want to experience the best and most beautiful things in this world? If you do, start loving.

42. “The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.” – G. K. Chesterton

In a similar vein, I recommend you to cultivate relationships in terms of building connections, deepening understanding between one another and creating beautiful memories. The opposite of this would be trying to possess other people. One day, you will separate with people you love for whatever reason. You can’t carry them with you till you die. But you can always carry memories of them with you. Of course, our memories fade away and might be lost as well, but this understanding helps you appreciate actual experiences you have with people you love more than ever…

43. “There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” – John Lennon

Do you love yourself? No matter what others say, can you appreciate and accept who you are? If you can’t… stop the negative talk you have about yourself right now. You need to stop doing that. Start loving yourself and start loving others.

44. “To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.” – Bertrand Russell

I can understand that loving and being loved can be scary, and I tell you that it’s OK to love and to be loved. Let go of your fear and take a small step towards a life full of beauty and love. I say this again and again, but choose to be curious about your life and yourself. That’s where you begin your romantic journey.

45. “All mankind love a lover.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be a lover of life. Be a lover of joy. Be a lover of knowledge. Be a lover of men. Be a lover of women. Be a lover of nature. Be a lover of story. Be a lover of art. Be a lover of beauty. Be a lover of love. Be a lover of mankind.

46. “Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” – Mother Teresa

To smile is one of the simplest and most effective actions you can take to change your life instantly and to make it more romantic. With smile you can acknowledge people and share happy feelings with them.

47. “The only true gift is a portion of yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sharing your authentic self with others is an act of love and it’s a gift you can give to others. Be authentic and be present. Listen to others and be compassionate towards them. That’s how you give a portion of yourself to others.

48. “Till I loved I never lived.” – Emily Dickinson

Do you love and live? If not, today is the first day of your new life. Start loving.

49. “We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.” – Benjamin Disraeli

We tend to make things complicated, but it all comes down to love. To love and to be loved. Make it a purpose of your life. How you manifest it is up to you, but when you live for love, everything else will follow.

50. “We can do no great things; only small things with great love.” – Mother Teresa

And I’m pretty sure great things are composed of such small things done with love.

51. “To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever.” – Henry Drummond

I believe love is inclusive and abundant rather than exclusive and scarce. The more you love, the more love there will be. When you live a life full of love, I believe you will pass your love onto others and inspire others to be a lover. Your love is contagious and it will spread even after you are dead. Your love and life could be forever in the sense that your legacy will be left for the next generation.

52. “We can only learn to love by loving.”- Iris Murdoch

Love is a practice. I write about love and you can read it. There are a number of resources on love as well. But what matters is not how much you read about it, but to learn to love by loving. Be humble and know that we are always a student of love rather than a master as well. Every day is a chance to practice your love. Love yourself, love your people, love strangers, love your life… Keep loving and you’ll get better.

When We Love

53. “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” – Pablo Neruda

It’s one of the most beautiful experiences we can have in our life: the love you create with another becomes the intersection of you and that person and both of you intertwine with one another physically and psychologically.

54. “If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.” – Khalil Gibran

Sometimes we go on a different path and our paths may never cross again. But that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t return to each other even if we could. What really matters is the will to return, I believe. Regarding the idea of letting go, do let go of people you love when letting go of them makes their life go better. But be connected with them forever.

55. “The pleasure of love is in loving.” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

At the time of writing this post, I’m 27 years old and I’m yet to live many, many years unless I get run over by a car or something, but in any case, I’m lucky, because I know that the pleasure of love is indeed in loving and I feel that the greatest pleasure of living lies in loving. For the rest of my life, I get to work on proving this right. I hope you’ll find these pleasures as well.

56. “There is the same difference in a person before and after he is in love, as there is in an unlighted lamp and one that is burning.” – Vincent Van Gogh

Be the burning lamp and illuminate the entire world with your love. That’s what living a romantic life is about.

57. “You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen

Finding the perfect person can be a long journey if it can be done at all. But you can start seeing imperfect people perfectly right now. You can start practicing it from today and you will get better and better at it. And, as always, start with seeing yourself – do you realize your imperfections are what makes you beautiful?

58. “I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.” – Pietro Aretino

Telling the truth can be uncomfortable, but it is better than deceiving people you love. When people who love you tell you the truth, appreciate their honesty as well. Honesty is the best policy and an act of love.

59. “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” – Mother Teresa

As a former sceptic of love, I know it is difficult to dive into the ocean of love and to simply love people without judging them. I do judge people to some extent and I’m far from Mother Teresa. But instead of wining that it’s difficult, realize there’s a huge difference between difficult and impossible and let’s love more. Love is a practice; the more you love, the better you’ll get at loving.

60. “When you are in love you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” – Dr. Seuss

This is especially true when you are in love with your life. Are you in love with your life? Can you accept what it is now and love it even more? If it sucks, do you have the guts to be honest and say that to your life?

61. “Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly.” – Rose Franken

Love (and sex!) need not only passion, but also playfulness. Be light and be delighted.

62. “The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

Realize, also, that when you love someone and that person feels love in his or her heart, the world will be transformed for that person. Isn’t that exciting? Spread love. Go and make the world more romantic.

63. “When we come into contact with the other person, our thoughts and actions should express our mind of compassion, even if that person says and does things that are not easy to accept. We practice in this way until we see clearly that our love is not contingent upon the other person being lovable.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

If you choose to love, you love anyway despite the fact that your love might not be returned. Practice love and compassion and get better at loving.

64. “To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.” – Alphonse de Lamartine

If you want to fall in love with an angel, love for the sake of loving and your angelic love shall reach an angel.

65. “You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.” – Henry Drummond

Of all the quotes in this post, this quote resonates with me more strongly than others. You will experience more beautiful moments by loving your life and showing up as who you are, because such love helps you notice those moments – in reality, you are surrounded by beauty and all you need to do is to simply notice that there are many, many beautiful things in your life. Love your life and your life will be full of beauty.

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What did you learn from these quotes? Is there any quote that resonated with you? Write and share your thoughts in the comment section below. If you enjoyed this post and think that more people need to learn to love, please share it with your friends by clicking the tweet button or the like button below.

(Photo by Josh Liba)

Ladies and gentlemen. Let’s talk about sex, love and liberation. These are all important topics, especially when you choose to live a romantic life and plan to make the world more romantic.

Read on and I’ll tell you why I’m talking about these particular topics (though, generally speaking, we don’t need a reason to talk about sex, love and liberation).

Sex

Sex is emotion in motion.
Mae West

Sex is more than a physical act. Of course you can make it a mere physical act, but it’s much, much better, more pleasurable and sensual when it’s about stimulating your partner’s mind.

It’s about giving and sharing, not about taking for the sake of your own pleasure (hint: it’s much better when you focus on giving pleasure to and sharing it with your partner/s).

When you have this kind of attitude towards sex, what you do in a sexual context will change. You can be curious about sex and learn more about it rather than considering it as a taboo topic. You can talk about it with your partner and understand what he or she likes.

You are a sexual being. A being with sexual energy. Sexual energy… how can I define it… perhaps a desire for intimacy and physical as well as emotional connections and a manifestation of such a desire.

Whether it’s flirting or making love, you are presenting your sexual energy to and sharing that energy with the person you are flirting with or making love with.

My questions for you is this: Are you aware that you are a sexual being? I have a feeling that it’s much easier for women to have this awareness for some reason, and I’m inclined to think that a lot of men don’t know how to express themselves as a sexual being (let alone expressing themselves in other contexts).

When you choose to live a romantic life, it’s important to deepen your understanding of sex as well as that of yourself as a sexual being. When you acknowledge that you are a sexual being and that you carry sexual energy with you, that makes you more attractive and sexier. It’s part of knowing who you are. For these reasons, I recommend you to think about sex.

There are much more to say about sex, but let’s move on to love.

Love

The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Let’s love more. We’ve had enough hatred and the world needs more love. That means you need to love more. Not someone else, but you.

Love is the core of living a romantic life. Love yourself and that’s how you begin your romantic journey. A long time reader of this blog might know what I’d say next, but if you don’t know how to love yourself, you don’t know how to love others. Seriously.

You are capable of loving and you are loved. You can start small. Or you can start big. Whatever you feel comfortable with, start loving now. Do you love what you do? Do you love your day? Do you love your life? Do you love this… do you love that?

Well, perhaps start with loving yourself as I suggested above.

How? By believing in yourself. By taking care of yourself. By protecting yourself. By being curious about yourself. By nourishing yourself. By getting to know yourself better. By acknowledging who you are.

When you keep practicing loving, you’ll get better at loving. It gets better and better. Keep loving. Make your life romantic that way.

Liberation

The artist produces for the liberation of his soul. It is his nature to create as it is the nature of water to run down the hill.
W. Somerset Maugham

Unfortunately, a typical school system seems to be designed to take spontaneity, creativity, authenticity and any other goodies that end with ‘ty’ from kids (that’s definitely the case in Japan).

If you were constantly told and taught that you suck either directly or indirectly, that’s what I’m talking about. But hey, here’s good news. You can unlearn that bullshit and liberate yourself.

Whether to liberate yourself or not is a choice you can make. Choose it and you won’t regret it. Since you are still reading this, you’re most likely to be the kind of person who are keen on liberating yourself anyway. Congratulations.

Get to know yourself more and be who you want to be. Life can be a short (and sweet) journey, and I reckon it’s best enjoyed with your liberated self. I guess I’m fairly liberated if I compare myself to others, but comparing myself with others doesn’t matter much here. It’s either I liberate myself more or not. I gotta get ready for a free fall. Figuratively, that is. Or perhaps for real. At some stage.

Why I’m Talking About Sex, Love and Liberation

These topics are important when you think about how to live a romantic life. But there’s another reason why I specifically chose that combination – sex, love and liberation.

My new favorite e-book “Sex, Love&Liberation”, written by Ev`Yan, was released very recently and I want to recommend it to the readers of my blog. If you’ve enjoyed what I wrote so far, you will love reading Ev`Yan’s book.

What Ev`Yan writes in her book resonates with me. Her writing style is very poetic, gentle, personal and loving. Reading “Sex, Love&Liberation” is like having a conversation with her (I’ve never talked with her though).

Go and check out “Sex, Love&Liberation” here. Even if you choose not to buy a copy of her book, make sure to check out her site and read her articles. Also, think about sex, love and liberation on your own.

So, what do you think about sex, love and liberation? Tell me your thoughts on these things in the comment section below or write to me. I want to read your comments and I’d really appreciate it if you could share this post by clicking the tweet button or the like button below. Subscribe to this site if you haven’t done so as well. Thanks for your support!

Here’s mine.

13 years ago today (5 July), my father passed away.

It was a hot, humid summer afternoon when my mother rushed into my room and told me about his death. She was crying. I remember I cried upon hearing this unexpected news. At that time, it was funny to me that I couldn’t stop crying, because I hated my father, who had gotten divorced with my mother when I was 10. I hadn’t been in touch with him after they had gotten divorced.

Why did I cry when someone I hated passed away? At that time, I simply couldn’t remember why I hated him, because all I could remember about him was some of the good memories I had with him or nice things he did for me.

The divorce of my parents as well as my father’s death influenced me a lot. I think there were more positive influences than negative influences, especially when I decided to turn these experiences into something positive.

These experiences may have made me bitter and cynical for some years, but they made me more mature and also gave me things to reflect on when I got older – that is, now. If you want to know what kind of influence I got from these experiences, look at me. Or you can read on and know more about what I got from them.

If you are wondering why I hated my father, I’ll tell you why. He was short-tempered, dismissive, abusive and occasionally violent. Not that he punched me or physically hurt me on a regular basis, but he would yell at me often and I didn’t like it at all. He didn’t show much affection to me.

But, here’s a question I had never thought about, until my mother told me about my father’s father last year. What was it like to be my father?

I didn’t know much about my paternal grandfather. I still don’t know. But, according to my mother, he was, apparently, a player. He was the kind of guy who would spend his money on gambling, drinking and buying women. All I know is that much, and this is my imagination, but I guess my paternal grandfather wasn’t really a good father to my father at all. I’d rather imagine my paternal grandfather being a jerk to his family members, including my father.

What if my father didn’t get enough affection from his father? What if my father didn’t know how to love his own children?

What these questions bring to my mind is a man who wasn’t loved much as a child and didn’t know how to express his emotions. When I realised this possibility, I felt relieved and forgiveness towards my father. This was last year.

I believe that loving is something you need to learn and to cultivate rather than something we innately know. Perhaps my father never realise that. He probably didn’t know how to listen to his emotions or how to express them either. Perhaps he didn’t have a great relationship with himself or perhaps he was afraid of loving and being loved.

Now… I choose to break this chain. Sure, it’s very plausible that my paternal grandfather didn’t love my father and my father didn’t know how to love me because of his upbringing, but it doesn’t mean that I must be tied to this chain.

I have a better story to create, to live and to tell, and I am 100% committed to that. It’s a personal fight for bringing love back, but on a larger scale, I’m here to change the status quo about the lack of better understanding about love and the lack of deep connections among people. I bet this status quo has been around for ages – for as long as human beings have been here on earth. It’s my choice to do something about it. Remember, you have a choice too.

By the way, I wasn’t like this at all 13 years ago. If love is about giving and sharing, I was far from it. I was more selfish and didn’t realise the importance of giving and sharing. To be honest, it took me more than a decade to understand it. So, the importance of giving and sharing as well as the importance of loving are fairly new to me, at least beyond a theoretical understanding of these.

To this day, I’m still amazed and inspired when I meet caring and loving people like Pam and my new friend Jamie. I’m glad I met them during my recent trip in the US.

Experiences I had through couch surfing in the US reminded me of human kindness as well.

While I was in the US, all I did was pretty much walking around, getting lost, and meeting people. To me, meeting people… meeting amazing people brings me joy and delight.

Again, given what I was like 13 years ago… or even 7 years ago, it’s funny how I’ve become a people guy. It’s not that I always talk to strangers in any situation, but when I talk with people, I’m genuinely curious about them and wonder if there is anything I could do for them. (If you are new to this site – hello! What’s your story? Please do leave comments below, subscribe to this site, and interact with me, because I’m curious about you.)

What I could do for them might be simply to listen to their stories, and I know that could make a difference to some extent.

For the last couple of days of my trip, I stayed at a hostel in Inglewood, California. The reason why I stayed there was simply because the hostel was affordable and close to Los Angeles International Airport.

On 28 June, I got to Union Station in Los Angeles around 11pm. I took an Amtrak train from San Diego, where I spent 9 days. On my way to Los Angeles from San Diego, I dropped by San Juan Capistrano, to meet up with Shayla and Colin (check out their artworks here and here). They are amazing people and I look forward to seeing them again.

To get to the hostel from Union Station, the best way for me was to catch a bus from the station to Los Angeles International Airport and to use a free shuttle bus to the hostel.

Let’s cut and skip what happened after I got to the station and how I got to the airport, because nothing noteworthy happened. (Well, there was a traffic jam, but I figure that’s not a surprise…)

Fast forward.

I want to talk about this shuttle bus driver. He was in his 50s. He was originally from New York City. He talked and swore a lot. He made a lot of inappropriate comments after he failed to catch potential customers for the hostel. He was funny at times, but he may not be the best driver when you just want him to take you to the hostel, because it’s after midnight and you’re tired from you trip. He had to pick up other people who called for a shuttle service and that’s fine, but he kept looking for potential customers (I believe he gets commission for bringing people to the hostel) and I’m sure I was in the shuttle for more than 1 hour when it was a 10 minute drive from the airport to the hostel.

But, the thing is, I enjoyed talking with him. He told me that when he was little, he had a Japanese friend. My name sounded similar to his Japanese friend’s name too (well, his name was Masayuki). And the way he talks was amusing to me.

The best thing was when I asked him what he would do if he could do anything. He started telling me about what he wants to do: to write a book on parenting. I didn’t have any guess about what he would say, but I surely didn’t expect that answer.

A book on parenting?

He sounded very passionate about it and I’m glad I asked him that question. I asked that question towards the end of our ride, so I didn’t get to hear his whole view on parenting, but even just learning the fact that he wants to write a book on parenting was fun to me.

How fascinating is it to learn about what others are passionate about? It’s ridiculously fascinating!

On that note… what would you do if you could do anything? Share your passion with us and write about it in the comment section below!

If there is anything I could help you get closer to what you want to do as well as who you want to be, please do let me know as well.

I believe you are capable of living your life the way you really want to live it.

As Charlie Gilkey writes in one of his recent posts, there may be a lot of nay-sayers, but remember that there are people who believe in you as well. Instead of focusing your energy on proving nay-sayers wrong, why not be grateful for people who believe in you and prove them right?

For those who believe in me and aim to live a romantic life – thank you. I would have been a lone nut without you. (Check out Derek Sivers’ 3 minute TED talk on How To Start A Movement)

Let’s explore the idea of having a great relationship with yourself further.

I believe that having a great relationship with yourself is one way of being authentic and being authentic helps you show up as who you are when you interact with others, and that’s one of the most attractive things you could do… or be.

I also believe that it’s more important to know who you are and to love yourself than being who you are.

Let me briefly recap: You are always being you even when you are pretending to be someone else or staying in your own comfort zone. When people tell you to be yourself, I believe what they are really trying to convey to you is to be authentic; knowing who you are and loving yourself, I believe, help you get in touch with your authentic self.

What I mean by being authentic here is something like being spontaneous, curious, fear free, inspired, excited, delightful and alive.

My aim in this post is to connect personal development with the act of knowing and loving yourself. To be more specific, I want to suggest that personal development sucks when you work on yourself with the scarcity mentality (a nice little surprise after promoting a package of personal development products, eh?), but I also want to suggest that there is an alternative way of approaching personal development.

My suggestion is to take it as a way of discovering your potentials and becoming who you want to be as well as a way of practising self love, instead of trying to look for problems in you and to fix these problems you think you have.

What I intend to refer to by the term ‘personal development’ here is broad: It’s pretty much anything that helps you become a better person. So, in addition to self-help/personal development books, courses and activities, I’m happy to include yoga, cooking, dancing and any other things if these activities help you become a better person or if you intend to become a better person through these activities. That is, I’m thinking of personal development as an attitude towards what you do rather than a specific set of activities.

You are free to disagree with me and I’d be happy if you could give me a better definition of personal development, but I hope what I wrote above clarifies what I’m talking about in this post.

If you are interested in creating and living a romantic life, I bet you are a kind of person who is motivated to become a better person. That’s great! I wonder how you’ve been working on yourself (tell me in the comment section!). Or perhaps you are planning to change yourself for the better by quitting smoking, taking a dance course, or learning to cook.

Let me first speak the words of caution about personal development.

Personal development sucks when you approach it from the scarcity mentality about who you are and what you are capable of doing.

Let me explain what I mean.

The scarcity mentality in question is about how you evaluate yourself or how you perceive yourself to be. In your perception, you are inadequate and have a lot of flaws. The main reason why you want to be a better person is because you feel you are incomplete and you want to get rid of your problems, which you can’t accept for some reason.

Let me guess why you feel this way – you compare yourself with others and you feel you are not as worthy as people around you for what seems to be missing from you. This story I’ve described may not fit you 100%, but if you can relate yourself to it to some degree, here’s what I say.

You are perfect just the way you are. Now, what I just said actually doesn’t make much sense when you feel you have problems. So, let me clarify it a bit more.

I can understand that you think you have problems, but even these problems you think you have are part of you. By being perfect, I don’t mean that you are a flawless being. You could see yourself with a number of flaws, especially when you evaluate yourself from someone else’s perspective – standards set by some other people.

What I mean is that you are a complete being that needs no fixing. Trust me, you are not a broken machine, but a beautiful human being.

You might be dissatisfied with who you are today, and that’s perfectly fine if that feeling comes from the desire to get closer to who you want to be rather than the urge to impress others.

I believe you don’t have to be completely happy with who you are in order to love yourself, provided that you still accept the parts of you that you don’t like.

You could sit down with yourself and politely ask yourself to do something about it. That way, you can be honest with yourself.

So, being dissatisfied with yourself is not a bad thing in every situation. What’s worse would be indifference towards yourself. If you’ve been neglecting your feelings, ideas, dreams, desires and so on, I believe that’s more problematic. I suppose I could write another post on that. Remember, curiosity plays an important role in love and romance.

When you look for problems in yourself and try to fix them, you’ll keep finding them and you end up spending your time and energy on getting rid of these perceived problems. You might feel like beating up yourself for not being able to completely eliminate your problems as well. Once you’ve gone into that pattern, you might have to deal with endless problems.

Your motivation might be to help yourself from these problems you think you have, but if you are the one who keeps pushing yourself into the pit of false problems, then you’ll keep falling into it. Let’s stop that.

Also, let’s stop comparing yourself with others and trying to be a better person in order to impress them. My favourite writer Julien Smith has written a fantastic post against trying to impress others; do read his post here. (It’s not just about that topic, but also about some other great insights. It’s a must read.)

By the way, it’s important to realise the fact that you cannot do x now doesn’t mean you have no talent or no potential in getting better at doing x. If you are a beginner in something, it’s natural that you suck at it. Try not to connect your beginner status with your value as a person or your potentials.

What’s important is to understand what you are doing wrong and what needs to be done to improve your skills, and to take action. If you keep practising, you’ll get better eventually. Enjoy the process and love the fact that you are discovering parts of you that you didn’t know before no matter how small your progress might be.

Now, let’s talk about an alternative approach to personal development: you can approach personal development as a way of discovering your potentials and becoming who you want to be as well as a way of practising self love.

Instead of beating up yourself, be curious and know what you can do as well as what you can’t do now.

Instead of trying to look for problems in you and to fix them, enjoy the process of working on yourself and learning more about who you are as well as who you could become.

Instead of being indifferent towards your authentic self, accept who you are today and be excited about the fact that you can get closer to the person you want to be if you keep practising.

You don’t need to add anything to yourself or to fix your perceived problems through your personal development endeavours. Instead, you can use personal development activities to make yourself feel alive and delighted. That way, you can get to know more about yourself and get in touch with your authentic self.

Keep loving yourself, because it gets better and better.