personal

There are 11 posts tagged personal (this is page 2 of 2).

4 lessons of the day on humor (Day 4)

Here’s something that happened this evening.

Imagine the following. There’s a group of university students gathering to get their photo taken. One of them holds a camera and looks at pedestrians so he can find someone to take a photo of them. His eyes meet my eyes. He says, “Excuse me”, and gestures that he wants me to take a photo of them. I say, “Ah, OK”. He passes me his camera. I walk away, as I say, “Thank you”. They laugh.

There are four lessons for me to draw here.

Lesson #1
Humor seems to be a game of contexts. In this case, what I did was to misinterpret the situation. The action expected of me was to grab his camera and get straight into taking a photo of them. This would be a supposedly-common context.

Instead, I did something else, which was still a possible interpretation of our interaction. He offered me a camera, and I interpreted that he gave it to me out of kindness. I got a free camera and walked away. This interpretation curves out another context. Also, since I did it in an exaggerate way rather than a serious way, that invited them to a context of humor.

So, laugther = an unexpected context + a context of humor.

Lesson #2
The above analysis is slippery. Forget about intellectualizing what makes people laugh.

Lesson #3
There’s no lesson 4.

Lesson #4
There’s no lesson 3.

Lesson #5
But there is lesson 5 – it’s fun to make people laugh!

(No, I didn’t run away with their camera after they laughed. I did take a few photos of them, completely blocking other pedestrians and all!)

Baking ANZAC biscuits is an act of creativity.

I’m up to Week 9 of the Artist’s Way. Since I am always with myself, it is difficult to see what changes I made within myself and how the book has been helping me in an observable manner.

Some of the changes that may or may not be related to this book include:

  • Until recently, I was worried about my financial resources. Being not so busy in my freelance translation job, which is my main income stream, I would worry how awful it would be if my savings ran out. But now, my way of thinking is this: “Wow, I have enough money to survive for 2 or 3 months. That’s not bad. I could work on making something happen within this period of time!”
  • In an earlier post, I wrote that I’m interested in Argentine Tango. I had been looking for a good place to learn it, but I didn’t find anything appealing. Recently, however, I found someone looking for people who want to learn Argentine Tango on a Japanese social networking site. It’s a course for training 20 new Tango dancers (10 women and 10 men). I asked him if a beginner could join and he had no problem with that. The lesson fee is 4000 yen a month, which is… a bargain (as far as I’m concerned, it usually costs 2500 ? 3500 yen per lesson at other places). The course will start in April and I’m totally looking forward to it.
  • I improved my grappling skills. How can it be related to the Artist’s Way? I’m not sure. If that’s possible at all, then it has to be this: I’m more aware of what’s going on in sparring and I can note what to work on next time. In a way, I became more observant, at least in this martial arts context. What I like about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and grappling is that one small mental note can improve your game, since in many cases you already have enough physical capabilities to do what you want to do unless it involves fancy, acrobatic moves.
  • I read Linchpin by Seth Godin. Is this an interesting change? To me, yes. I already was the kind of person who would enjoy reading Seth Godin’s books. I already knew about him, but it was the reading deprivation week that made me rediscover Seth Godin. I watched his 2009 TED talk video during that week. It was inspiring. So, I bought a copy of his new book Linchpin. Coincidentally, this book goes hand in hand with the Artist’s Way. One of the core messages of Linchpin is that the world needs more artists and we are artistic and creative. I will write a review of this book sometime, but I’m sure you can find what other people thought of this book else where in the mean time. Go buy it and read it. Please.

Overall, I feel more proactive, grounded, and open than before I started working on this book. I guess I haven’t experienced huge changes or coincidences yet, but I can feel them coming. I do feel that way.

But what does one do in the Artist’s Way program anyway? Here are some exercises from the book:

  • Get rid of unwanted clothes.
  • Bake something.
  • Collect rocks.
  • Take note of every spending of yours.
  • Make a vision map of your past, present, future and dreams.
  • Make specific action plans for your dreams.

So, the bottom line is… by baking ANZAC biscuits, I play Tetris of the creativity kind! You can bake ANZAC biscuits and be creative too. Woohoo!

Do you listen to yourself?

In the past a few people told me that I am a good listener. But as you will read shortly, I may not be that good a listener, especially when the speaker is myself. In this post I will reflect on things I tend to do while listening to others. Then I will check whether I do those things when listening to myself.

When I’m listening to others I tend to do the following things.

1. Paying attention to what’s being said
Maintaining a good eye contact helps me focus on the speaker and what’s being said. On the contrary, if I am distracted by other things or thinking about something else, I’m most likely to miss the words spoken. I guess whether the speaker can feel comfortable talking with me partly depends on whether paying attention to him or her as well.

2. Suspending judgments
I know that I know a thing or two. Sometimes I feel I can make some useful comments. Or perhaps what the speaker is saying sounds so outrageous to me that I might feel the urge to cut in by saying something. But here’s a question: Do I have enough information to make judgments and/or does the speaker have more to say in addition to what he or she said? If the answer is No for either of these questions, then I’d rather keep listening to the speaker.

3. Trying to understand what’s being said
It is reasonable to assume that I and the speaker share some common ground that makes it possible for us to communicate with one another. But that doesn’t mean we can understand each other completely. Sometimes it’s possible that I and the speaker use certain terms differently. If I sense that possibility, I ask the speaker for clarification. This way, I can understand better what the speaker is trying to convey.

4. Waiting for the speaker to finish
Sometimes I do interrupt the speaker to ask for clarification, but I generally avoid it. Even when I need to interrupt, I guess I tend to let the speaker finish the sentence he or she is uttering at that moment before asking a question or making a comment.

5. Being helpful towards the speaker by being curious about what’s being said
In other words, I let the speaker know that I want to listen more–by asking questions or by directly telling about my intention. I tend to ask open questions that are related to the speaker and what the speaker said. This, I think, will make it easier for the speaker to talk about what he or she wants to talk about.

What do you do when you listen to others? How about those who you consider as good listeners? What do they do?

Now, here’s something I want to ask myself–when I listen to myself, do I practice those things I do with others? Actually, do I listen to myself at all?

Do I pay attention to what my inner self is saying? Do I avoid making quick judgments against myself? Do I try to understand myself better? Am I patient in listening to myself? Do I let my inner self speak more by being curious about his words?

I will work on the art of listening to myself so I can answer these questions positively. Let’s see what happens…

As I wrote the questions above, by the way, I had the following thought. “But do you really think this post is worthy? Don’t you think it’s rubbish?”

I’m not going to argue against such an inner voice. I will just write, edit and post. What I have written here is something I wanted to share with you, how trivial this piece may be. Now I’m sharing it with you and that’s all good.

"What is Brazilian Jiu Jitsu anyway", I thought.

I heard of Rickson Gracie when I was 17. Rickson Gracie is a legendary martial artist who never lost a fight. He had more than 400 fights. My friend told me about him and the Gracie style of fighting, which is now popularized as Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). I didn’t really get into Rickson or BJJ at that time, but I remember I was quite impressed with this Rickson guy.

About a year later, I ended up starting my journey of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. It was in Tasmania, Australia and in 2002. I was there to take a university preparation course at University of Tasmania. During a campus tour, I noticed a poster for University of Tasmania BJJ club in the sports gym. I remembered about this style of martial arts and Rickson Gracie; I joined the club and started practicing BJJ.

At the BJJ club, I was the smallest person, both my height and weight considered. I’m about 177cm (5’8) in height. I think I weighed around 60kg (132 pounds) at that time. I did Kendo for 5 years. I did a bit of Judo for physical education classes at high school. But I wasn’t good at any sports. I wasn’t physically strong either. Get my 17 old self go for a run. He would be one of the last ones to finish. There was no way I could beat my training partners with my (non-existent) physical strength. This situation forced me to be smart about training. I had to sharpen and to rely on my techniques.

A BJJ match consists of two phases, broadly speaking. We could call them the standing phase and the ground phase respectively. In the standing phase, your primary goal is to bring the match into the ground phase while keeping a better position than your opponent’s. You can take your opponent down by throwing or tackling him or her. Alternatively, you can pull your opponent into yourself.

In the ground phase, your primary aim is to submit your opponent by locking his or her joint or choking him or her. To make this goal easier, you need to take a better position than your opponent’s. What’s meant by a ‘better position’ is quite simple: it’s a position where you can be safe and rest while your opponent has to struggle to get out. There are various techniques and moves that lead you to such a position. Scores are awarded when you take a better position or do a move that leads you to such a position. If the match doesn’t finish within the designated time limit before any successful submission happens, the winner will be decided on the basis of the scores the competitors got.

BJJ puts greater emphasis on the ground phase. Naturally, those ground techniques compose the heart of BJJ and BJJ tends to get attention for such techniques. I believe, however, what’s really striking about BJJ is not just how effective these techniques can be.

There are two factors to take into account if you wonder whether you should learn BJJ or not. One is how each technique can be taught in a systematic way; the other is how anyone can do the basic techniques. Every technique can be broken down into a few basic principles. If you understand these principles and how your body and your opponent’s body work, you just need to make sure you control your opponent’s body with no rush or unnecessary strength, and to execute the technique you wish to execute. Since the basic techniques don’t require great flexibility or strength, it’s possible for you to learn some of the basic moves at the first lesson and to try sparring if you want.

My point is that if your physical condition is such that you can walk with no problem, you should be able to do the basic moves of BJJ after a few hours of lesson. It will certainly take years to master those moves, but there are almost no prerequisites for starting BJJ. You don’t need to be crazy flexible or super strong.

By the way, the most important and first thing you should learn in BJJ is to tap before you get hurt. You can certainly practice tapping at the first session. It may be embarrassing to get toyed with by someone smaller than you, but it’s a necessary route. It can be a great way to let go of your ego as well. Your instructor should be able to match you up with senior people who know what to do. You don’t need to worry about getting hurt and smashed at the first lesson, unless the gym you chose was the wrong place to go.

After you’ve learned how to lose, the next thing you need to learn is how to survive. Survive first. This way of thinking is prominent in the Gracie way of fighting, I believe. Survive through every attack your opponent does, preferably in the safest position you can get. When you’ve survived from such attacks without using any energy, your opponent is likely to be more tired than you are. When you have much more energy left than your opponent, you have a greater chance of winning, even if your opponent is twice larger than you.

I’m inclined to think the Gracie way of fighting can be applied to real life, non-fighting situations as well. That’s one of the things I like about the Gracies and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Where do you think this ‘survive first’ way of thinking is relevant and applicable? In my view, to survive is to keep showing up no matter what. As long as you don’t give up and tire yourself, you can always increase your chance of winning.

Watch a demonstration done by Rickson and his brother Royler here.

“The primary objective of Jiu-Jitsu is to empower the weak who, for not having the physical attributes, are often intimidated. My Jiu-Jitsu is an art of self-defense in which rules and time limits are unacceptable.”  – Helio Gracie

The forgotten first day of 2009 and kick-starting 2010

I don’t remember what I did on the first day of 2009. On the new year’s eve for 2009, I invited two of my friends for a pizza party at my place. My housemate at that time brought his friend as well. Five of us made pizzas together, drank wine and eventually headed off to the local karaoke place for some fun. We came back, 2009 started, and we drank more wine.

It was a hot summer night in Australia, where I was at that time. The heat, food and wine made me sleepy; I couldn’t keep my eyes open after about 2.30am. We called it a day, and I went to bed.

I don’t know about you, but I usually wear only a boxers if it’s too hot to sleep with other garments on. That was the case for this time as well.

The sleep was great. In fact, when I woke up in the morning, I felt as though it was the freshest and most beautiful morning ever.

I went to the kitchen to grab a cup of water. My housemate was up too. He asked me whether I remembered what I did earlier in the morning. I had no idea what he was talking about. He told me he heard a door slamming noise around 4.30am. He went to check what it was. Then he saw me coming into the house. I had nothing but a boxers on. He talked to me and apparently I did reply to him and went back to my room.

I didn’t remember anything when my housemate told me about this in the kitchen. I wonder if this start of 2009 made a good indication for the year, which was a good year for me overall.

Since the feeling I had when I woke up on the first day of 2009 was great, I wanted to feel that feeling again for the first morning of 2010. However, I came back to the northern hemisphere in September, 2009; it would have been too cold for a sleepwalk with nothing but a boxers on. So, I chose another fun activity to kick off 2010.

On the new year’s eve for 2010, I went to the martial arts gym where I used to train in the first half of 2007 (i.e. Purebred Kawaguchi, also known as Redips), for a new year’s eve sparring session. It was nice to see my old team mates; I hadn’t seen them for more than 2 years since I flew to Australia in July, 2007.

If you know me, perhaps you know that I’m a massive fan of this submission technique called triangle choke (For those who are interested, see this video by Rener Gracie. His explanation is to the point and hilarious). I welcomed the year 2010 while attempting to set up a triangle choke on my sparring partner. The sparring finished before I made the choke work, but it made a good start for the new year.

The reason why I think I made a good start for 2010 is because not only the whole sparring session was fun, but also one of my goals for 2010 is related to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Submission Wrestling, which I practice. I will write more on my goals, projects and the like for this year in another post.

How did you start 2010?