One of the greatest things I learnt from the Ars Amorata program, an online course on how to live a purposeful life as a man who loves and celebrates women, is the importance of curiosity.
This trait is so fascinating that I’ve been curious and thinking about it for some time. Recently, things have started falling into place and some fresh ideas came to me. I want to share these ideas with you in this post.
The focus of this post is curiosity applied to romance – I believe there’s a strong connection between these things.
In my view…
- Curiosity brings romances to you.
- Curiosity helps you make deeper connections with people you find attractive.
- Curiosity helps you become more attractive as a person.
Let me explain each one in turn.
Curiosity brings romances to you
A romance begins when you are (romantically) curious about someone. There’s something that fascinates you about that person, and it makes you curious. You don’t know what that is and can’t quite figure it out. So, your curiosity stirs up your desire to know that person better.
So, what now? You can talk with him or her and discover who he or she is.
When you interact with that person, make sure to let him or her know that you are curious about him or her as well.
I believe this “letting them know” part is crucial. It can be subtle or direct, but do make sure to convey your curiosity to that person. What you are conveying, essentially, is that you find that person interesting and you want to know more about him or her. When you do it correctly, this can become a powerful compliment you can give to that person. (If you don’t do it, you might end up letting that potential romance go… as this short video illustrates.)
Yes, I know what some of you are thinking.
“But, I can’t find people who I can be curious about! I’ve got higher expectations and standards!”
I see your expectations and standards are high, but why don’t you choose to be curious about others? Not just about those you find attractive, but also people around you. I will explain this idea a bit more later, but I believe that people who have genuine curiosity towards other people tend to be much more attractive than those who have no curiosity towards people around them.
Actually, I was once there. Don’t look for someone to notice you, but choose to be curious about others instead. It’s much more rewarding and fun.
Curiosity is like a seed and you need to cultivate your curiosity in order for it to develop into a full romance. But if you are never curious about others, then it’s hard for potential romances to grow further.
Curiosity helps you make deeper connections with people you find attractive
Curiosity is not just for igniting a potential romance and turning it into a substantial relationship.
Being and staying curious about your partner is essential in maintaining a great relationship with him or her as well.
The following quotes express what I want to say about this idea.
“The quality of your relationship does not depend on the clear communication between you and your partner, but on your willingness to understand each other.” – Hans Comijn
“Love is three quarter curiosity.” – Giacomo Casanova
I believe curiosity towards your partner is a fuel for your willingness to understand him or her. Being in a relationship is like going on an adventure together; it’s not about one chasing the other, but about finding treasures and growing up with one another.
Stay curious, and try to understand your partner in this journey.
Some of you might have noticed, but I’m fond of this Casanova quote. I’m still wondering what the other quarter of love is, but let me mention something – I believe the opposite of love is not hatred, but I believe it’s indifference. When you are no longer curious about your partner is when your relationship is coming to an end.
Oh well. Where’s the passion gone…?
Don’t let that happen. Stay curious. Keep seducing your partner by being curious about him or her! Keep that fire burning. Yes.
Curiosity helps you become more attractive as a person
The kind of curiosity I’m talking about here is more general and broader than the kind I was talking about in the previous ideas. Let’s talk about something much, much broader. It’s curiosity about what your life has to offer that helps you become more attractive as a person.
Let this kind of curiosity guide you in your life! You will be more active, enjoy your life, and grow significantly as a person. There’s a lot of talk about passion, and I’m inclined to think that curiosity is an essential ingredient for passion as well. Be curious and be passionate about your life. Living your life this way will make you much, much more attractive as a person.
People who have no curiosity about how they live are boring. OK, that sounds like a big statement, but hey, how can bored people be interesting? They don’t live an active life, they don’t try anything new, they don’t interact with others, and they are stuck with their routines.
Remember Neil Pasricha‘s TED talk that I introduced in a recent post? In that talk, Neil talks about how to have an awesome life and he identifies 3 key traits that make your life awesome: attitude, awareness, and authenticity. We can apply this curiosity business to these traits as well.
You can have the attitude of curiosity that you choose to be curious about what your life has to offer. By being curious about it, you’ll be aware of what’s happening around you. Your curiosity is unique to yourself – embrace your curiosity, because that’s an authentic part of you. I’m even happy to say that you are what you are curious about.
Now. Let me go back to something I said earlier… that people who have genuine curiosity towards other people tend to be much more attractive than those who have no curiosity towards people around them.
What does that mean?
I’m still brewing this idea, but I want to share it with you and want to hear what you think about it.
So, there has been a lot of talks about how to attract men or women. These talks give you tips, but they are usually about manipulating or tricking others into liking you. Even something like “presenting your best self” can become a manipulation or a trick when there is such an intention, although it is a great piece of advice when you do it naturally.
But, why should we try to attract others anyway? Well, maybe that’s because we want them to like us… and that’s because we like them, right?
What I want to express here is: Why don’t we get attracted to them first? I can’t draw a precise line between being attracted and being curious. I don’t know what differentiates them if there is a difference between them, but I assume they are essentially the same. Or at least, it seems to me that being attracted involves being curious.
Before waiting for others to notice you and be curious about you, why don’t you actively seek for something interesting about people you find attractive – actually, people in general – and try to find out why they make you curious. This attitude will help you interact with them better. Why? If you treat them as interesting people, it’s very likely that they will respond you as interesting people. It’s simple as that. And we all love to be treated as someone interesting.
Another idea I have is that by being curious about that person, you are almost making an instant mini-connection with him or her – you’ve just established that you share the same interest with that person. I’m pretty sure we’re all interested in ourselves and your curiosity towards that person connects with that person’s curiosity towards himself or herself.
I firmly believe that similarities between you and others will bring you guys closer and connect with one another. So, this similar interest can help you get you and that person closer.
One thing to note in relation to these ideas is… you must be genuinely curious and genuinely attracted to people you find attractive. If you have hidden agendas or don’t express your intention clearly, then you are likely to lose something genuine from the way you behave around them.
Really, really try to understand them, rather than just being nosy or halfheartedly curious.
By the way, if you haven’t looked at the previous post that collects 15 quotes on curiosity, here it is.
What do you think about these ideas?
I hope this post has given you some insights. If you liked it and thought it was thought provoking, do share this article with your friends. That’s how you can support me and I’d really appreciate it. You can subscribe to this blog via RSS or e-mail, too. I’m looking forward to connecting with you!
Photo: Alain Wibert